Articles by Karen Deerwester

Three Cups: Promoting Peace One Preschool at a Time

It's easy to take for granted the value of education - at least until you've read the New York Times bestseller, Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace…One School at a Time. In South Florida, thousands of small children will soon carry their favorite backpacks into preschools, bringing a small piece of home into unfamiliar new classrooms and bringing tangible reassurances back to nervous parents. These early school experiences gently expose children to the wide open spaces of learning and diversity.

Mortenson, one of the authors of Three Cups of Tea, reminds us that a school makes a powerful difference in the life of a child. Even more, it is a stepping stone to world peace. Every child learning to read and to write is one more child dreaming of a better world. Every child going to school is a child learning that he or she has a place in a bigger world - a hand, a voice and ultimately a friend. In the remote regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan, one school can unite a village and change the future.

In South Florida today, your child going to preschool is a monumental act of creating connections. A wise man tells Mortenson, "…we drink three cups of tea to do business: the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family…" Imagine that going to preschool is a small progression in your child's life from meeting would-be strangers to building lasting relationships.

One Cup - A Stranger
Every parent knows the stress and anxiety of leaving a sad or fearful child in the hands of "strangers". This act of separation requires enormous trust. The uncertain parent tries to find comfort in positive recommendations from friends, promises of quality experiences, a safe and beautiful building, an organized and well-stocked classroom, and most of all a thoughtful and loving teacher.

This is where the year begins, but as you start to share conversations and experiences, leaving your child in a new place with a new teacher becomes less frightening. School needn't be just like home or just like last year - it's okay that the teacher has different rules, different expectations and different routines. Take time to savor this first cup of tea. Help your child appreciate what is new and different by talking about all the fun adventures awaiting him - enchanting books, amazing art supplies, and a teacher with magic up her sleeves.

Two Cups - A Friend
Before you know it, school-life becomes a predictable habit in your child's day. He might even ask you to follow the school snack routine at home or to set-up school centers in your house on Saturdays. Your child has all sorts of new people to tell you about as he watches, listens and studies day-to-day interactions - children playing together, teachers helping children, children feeling smart and capable, children liking some things but not others. School is more than an award-winning curriculum.

Learning is great; learning with friends is better. School is possibly your child's first relationships outside of family. Take time to enjoy all the spices in this second cup of tea. Your child is learning about getting along in a diverse world with people who don't always think and act just like him. He has a chance to learn patience and respect.

Three Cups - A Family
In early childhood, all learning is personal. That's just the way young children think, with their hearts. School is your child's extended family. With this third cup of tea, you come to believe in a place beyond school-as-business or accountability.

Welcome a third cup of tea even when you don't want it. It's the right thing to do. You must actively show your child that you respect the school and the school staff (even at those times when you may disagree). Your child is learning far more than the A,B,C's. He's learning how to live with other people. If world peace begins with sharing three cups of tea with a stranger in a remote place in the world, there's no doubt it lives in the heart of a small child being embraced by a teacher and friends in a preschool minutes away from home.

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early childhood topics since 1984. Karen is also the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B’nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton.

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