Articles by Karen Deerwester

Sweet Dreams and Lullabies

A sleep crisis is rattling the beds of groggy-eyed families across America. Adults are getting less sleep per night than a century ago. Nap-pods are available in New York City for the weary, bleary and tired. Spas and hotels are offering healthy sleep environments along with exercise and nutrition programs. Many young children are missing out on the essential, rejuvenating, brain-building, benefits of a good night's sleep.

Preschoolers need ten to thirteen hours of sleep a night. A "Tired All the Time" parent is a parent in need of help (yes that's official - TATT Syndrome is defined as sleep deprived for six months or longer). Everyone is happier with a good night's rest. So, how can your family enjoy peaceful, easy bedtimes and restful, uninterrupted nights?

First evaluate your daytime routine. Night time success starts with good day time habits. Your child unfortunately did not come with an "off switch". The pace of your daytime schedule will influence your child's transition to restful sleep.

• Try to keep a fairly consistent nap schedule. And no naps after 4:00pm.
• Institute daily "quiet times" for non-nappers - time to read, listen to music, daydream.
• Create daytime "love" rituals so you're not guiltily playing "beat the clock" at the end of the day - have a secret handshake before leaving for school, slow dance to your favorite song after dinner, wrestle on the bed together as soon as you get home from work.

Create positive bedtime routines. Everyone needs a good night's sleep, that's children and parents. Instead of bedtime dread, practice believing that bedtime is the well deserved frosting on a good-enough day. It isn't always easy to fold up the to-do list until tomorrow. You did enough. Your children have done enough. Now, it's time to let it all go until tomorrow.

• Have a consistent bedtime most nights out of the week. Your child's body clock will thank you.
• Let predictable routines prepare your child's mind and body - bath time, good night to the moon and to grandparents far away, story time, and tuck-in.
• Let your child fall asleep in the bed. Falling asleep in one location and waking up in another does not breed feelings of trust and security.
• Give your child a "lovey" as a tangible expression of your love to hold through the night - a teddy bear or a blanket animal.
• Let the last thing you do be a personal ritual just between you and your child - a special "I love you", a sweet tickle, fairy dust or happy dream sprinkles.
• Tell your child every morning how you checked on her while she was sleeping - embellish your story with silly anecdotes or actual photos of her sleeping.

Plan on disruptions. The definition of parenthood definitely includes sleepless nights. Childhood entails certain periods of time when your child needs night time nurturing and care - teething, illnesses, nightmares, and night terrors.

• Give comfort freely. Pain and fear is always worse in the middle of the night.
• Know that whatever you "do" during these periods of time will have to be "untaught" in a week or two. Think before you try any easy-way-out solutions.
• Get back to the old routine as soon as possible. It may take a few days or a week to re-establish the old routine.
• Gently remind your child of the happy benefits of good sleep habits.

Find the right sleep philosophy for you and your family. From Dr. Sears to Ferber, everyone has a favorite sleep guru. Talk with your co-parent, family, and friends as you define a parenting plan that you really believe in. Night time is no time to be confused and riddled with doubts. Your stress will only add to your child's confusion and inability to sleep through the night. Here's one place where parents need to be on the same page.

Make a commitment to value sleep. Let your actions reflect that belief. Day time parenting requires enormous stamina and resilience. Day time parenting requires a good night's sleep most of the time.

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early childhood topics since 1984. Karen is also the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B’nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton.

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